"Dear Demon,

My boyfriend and I are currently having a hard time. We're pregnant. We haven't told anyone yet, but we're both twenty-somethings who live with our parents. He thinks we should abort, and not tell anyone. I'm rather attached to the little spawn. We've agreed that this shouldn't change how we feel about each other, as we have been seeing each other for the last three years, and don't want that to end, but I can't help but resent and love both him and Baby.


Sincerely,
Asking My Belly What It Thinks"

Dear Asking,

Here's the thing, you can not make a man want a baby. If he's not ready to be a father, there's absolutely jack-shit you can do to change him, and if you keep your little spawn (of this title, I approve, by the way), you'll likely lose your man, or wish you had.
In the end though, it is your body, nobody can force you to abort, just like nobody can force you to carry to term. Your body; your choice. You make the right choice for you, and send anybody who thinks differently to hell (not literally, please).
And in the meantime ... grow up. Your twenty-something, it's time to get a real life and stop living with your parents. Because if you're old enough to make a baby, you're plenty old enough to support yourself and stop relying on the free ride from your parents.

Demon

"Dear Demon,

I've been going out with this girl for a few months now, but I'm sick of her. she's too clingy, talks about nothing of interest, we don't even watch the same tv shows. I've tried ignoring her calls, texts, and messages on Facebook, but she just won't stop! How long until she gets the hint?

Angry"

Dear Angry,

And she should be. What are you, in grade five? Man up and tell her it's over; don't be such a fucking coward!

Demon

Mother-in-Law Hell

"Dear Demon,

My mother-in-law is coming to visit, and there is nothing I can do about it.  She often says she's only staying a night or two, but for some reason or other, that will stretch into a week or more.
This woman makes me feel an inch tall! Every time she is here, she complains about my housekeeping, my cooking, my parenting, and even my spending! My husband just sits there and says nothing, and I feel like I have to defend every little thing I do (or don't do).
What am I supposed to?

Dejected Daughter-in-Law"


Dear Dejected;

Where is your spine, woman?!
Now that I have the obvious question out of the way, and while you look for something that resembles backbone, I will attempt to answer in a way that even you should be able to handle.

First things first ... tell your husband he needs to start sleeping with one eye open, because his lack of support for you is appalling. Did you know he would be this much of a doormat for his mom when you married him?
Those other advice columnists, you know ... the nice ones, they'll tell you that it's his responsibility to talk to his mom. Not me. No, I say that you need to stand up to the witch on your own, or she will never, never, respect you.
So, what are you waiting for? The next time she opens her mouth to criticize you, tell her firmly, in small words that she'll understand, to go to hell. And if she's not happy with the accommodations then she can feel free to sleep in her car, because you are not a hotel that relies on customer service to survive.

Demon