Mother-in-Law Hell

"Dear Demon,

My mother-in-law is coming to visit, and there is nothing I can do about it.  She often says she's only staying a night or two, but for some reason or other, that will stretch into a week or more.
This woman makes me feel an inch tall! Every time she is here, she complains about my housekeeping, my cooking, my parenting, and even my spending! My husband just sits there and says nothing, and I feel like I have to defend every little thing I do (or don't do).
What am I supposed to?

Dejected Daughter-in-Law"


Dear Dejected;

Where is your spine, woman?!
Now that I have the obvious question out of the way, and while you look for something that resembles backbone, I will attempt to answer in a way that even you should be able to handle.

First things first ... tell your husband he needs to start sleeping with one eye open, because his lack of support for you is appalling. Did you know he would be this much of a doormat for his mom when you married him?
Those other advice columnists, you know ... the nice ones, they'll tell you that it's his responsibility to talk to his mom. Not me. No, I say that you need to stand up to the witch on your own, or she will never, never, respect you.
So, what are you waiting for? The next time she opens her mouth to criticize you, tell her firmly, in small words that she'll understand, to go to hell. And if she's not happy with the accommodations then she can feel free to sleep in her car, because you are not a hotel that relies on customer service to survive.

Demon